How often have we heard that aggressive, harsh phrase echoed in churches: "If you do not forgive, God will not forgive you either!" This reflects nothing more than the shallow biblical understanding and the profound indifference to the pain of others characteristic of a rigid, hyper-dogmatic mindset. Even when Jesus prayed on the cross, "Father, forgive them," interceding for the Pharisees who crucified Him, that generation still faced divine retribution through the Roman invasion of Judea in 70 A.D.
The Context and Meaning Behind the Teaching on Forgiveness
Matthew 18:29–35 (NKJV): "So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
Looking closely at the context, the first servant had his massive debt completely canceled unconditionally by his master. Furthermore, his fellow servant approached him humbly, acknowledging his fault and pleading for mercy with a genuine intention to do everything he could to repay ("Have patience with me, and I will pay you all").
Yet, despite having been freely released from an impossible debt by his master, this servant cruelly threw his fellow servant into prison with the intent of punishing him indefinitely. He did this even though other solutions were clearly available, such as extending the working period or adjusting responsibilities to help clear the debt.
When examined in context, this passage is clearly not about demanding that victims of abuse or unfair treatment in cultic churches or secular society must blindly love and forgive unrepentant, malicious wrongdoers. Rather, it teaches that true reconciliation and calm negotiation are meant to happen only when the offender demonstrates genuine remorse and does everything in their power to make things right.
Many unspiritual people in high-control or cultic environments weaponize this verse to intimidate and threaten vulnerable, wounded sheep, telling them, "If you don't forgive your abuser, God won't forgive you!" Always remember that the adversary’s most frequently used tool is Scripture itself.
Isaiah 1:17 (NKJV): "Learn to do good; seek justice, rebuke the oppressor; defend the fatherless, plead for the widow."
Isaiah 5:20 (NKJV): "Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!"
Jeremiah 22:3 (NKJV): "Thus says the Lord: 'Execute judgment and righteousness, and deliver the plundered out of the hand of the oppressor. Do no wrong and do no violence to the stranger, the fatherless, or the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place.'"
Ezekiel 34:20–22 (NKJV): "Therefore thus says the Lord God to them: 'Behold, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. Because you have pushed with side and shoulder, butted all the weak ones with your horns, and scattered them abroad, therefore I will save My flock, and they shall no longer be a prey; and I will judge between sheep and sheep.'"
The Victim's Plea and Voice Must Be Heard First
While cult-like groups love to preach about "God not forgiving you unless you forgive," basic justice dictates that the victim's side of the story must be heard first. Victim testimonies very often culminate in legitimate legal action.
Matthew 5:23–26 (NKJV): "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny."
Right before this, verse 22 warns that anyone who calls their brother a "fool" faces the danger of hellfire. This highlights how abusers often dismiss and look down upon the voices of their victims. People lacking true discernment treat the victim's grievances with contempt—effectively cursing their appeals as worthless.
Every Scripture consistently shows that a wrongdoer’s actions must be met with genuine repentance, restitution, and every possible effort to make amends before forgiveness is even appropriate. Those who summarily dismiss a victim’s cry and weaponize verses about unforgiveness to mock or deny justice are themselves the true reflection of the merciless, wicked servant.
Revelation 6:10 (NKJV): "And they cried with a loud voice, saying, 'How long, O Lord, holy and true, until You judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?'"
When Jesus and Stephen prayed for forgiveness before their martyrdom, their peace rested entirely on the faith that God executes ultimate justice and vengeance in His own time. Yet in the Book of Revelation, the souls of the martyrs, including Stephen, symbolically cry out for divine justice and retribution. Longing for retribution against wicked rulers or unrepentant abusers is by no means a sin.
Furthermore, when high-control religious systems inflict deep wounds on those under their care without ever bringing true resolution or repentance, those grievances remain completely unaddressed.
Matthew 25:41–46 (NKJV): "Then He will also say to those on the left hand, 'Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.' Then they also will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?' Then He will answer them, saying, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.' And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."
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